Fuck You Atari!

Last month after Christmas I started feeling a little nostalgic. I started playing some old games and that led to me looking up some Atari stuff. That's when I rediscovered a little character named Captain Atari. He supposedly was the Atari 2600 mascot in Europe. I guess he was their Atari Force counterpart. He's actually very sexy. I only ever found one article with him on it, so I don't know to what extent he was actually used. I wonder if he had a comic like Atari Force? My guess is he probably had only one image that was reused similar to the original Captain Commando of Capcom fame. (Captain had 2.) It wasn't long before I thought of a use for the forgotten mascot.
See at around 6 years old I got an Atari 2600. While I had fun with Return of the Jedi, Frogger, Q*Bert and the Pac-Man games at the time, it wasn't long before I noticed some serious issues with the system. Things like all the missing content from certain games. This became apparent even before the graphic limitations. I had the Q*Bert board game and was already familiar with the characters from the TV show. I wondered where Ugg and Wrong Way were. I kept thinking they would appear if I got far enough into the game. SIGH! Of course it only got worse there on in. Every game felt so pale in comparison to my friends copies on other systems. I came to the realization in the mid 80s that I was given an already long outdated system. I was stuck with Atari till 1987. Lord help me. I almost gave up on video games.
Thankfully Atari did have some fun ports like Joust that rekindled my game love in 1986, until I got a Nintendo in 87. I still stuck with and enjoyed the system as much as I could even after I had an NES. After all, it was a great source of fun cheap games. Even if they did have some issues, the game play was usually very solid. Kids today might not get how parents back then didn't just up and buy you a new system. That thing, like a TV, was purchased expecting it to last a life time. So there was always this underlying fear you might never be able to upgrade. XD I had beg my parents for days just to get a $15 game! XD

For all the shit we Atari Kids had to endure, all the half baked games, all the missing cut scenes, levels, animations, etc, I think it's about time we made Captain Atari pay just a little bit. This is the first of what I hope will be a fun series of images featuring him. I ran my first idea by Cray and this is the awesome image he came up with. Captain Atari impaling his ass on a giant Atari Joystick! :P

Cray did a fantastic job on the Captain. Love the big shiny pecks on him. :P Cray worked hard on the coloring to give the Captains costume a better look then in the ads. The shine helps give a sense of the feel of this tight costume. Since he's the European Mascot I decided he should be uncircumzied. (Though based on Ataris utter lack of extra features mabye making him cut would have been a better sort of statement, eh? XD) Cray provided him with a beautiful baseball bat sized cock. The girth on that thing is amazing. Hmmm so that is how he swung all those game deals back in the day. I would have been happy with just the Atari joystick, but Cray went the extra mile and added in the system and even an old style TV! :D (I remember play Atari on TV's like that!) Awesome work Cray!

This is the only advertisement I found of the Captain. I am surprised I noticed him, those two geeky looking basketball players are really distracting. The one guy is barefoot! XD

Well that's it for now, but Captain Atari is gonna be back. We went easy on him this time. Next time he'll have more then a joystick shoved up is ass! :P