Showing posts with label Review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Review. Show all posts

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Space Cadet #2 Review....Cantero Does Cadet!




Well, the other week marked the end of a 4 year wait to see what lies next in the story of Space Cadet.  Space Cadet is a hero in the Class Comics universe, who was first featured with Naked Justice and Ghost Boy, before branching out into his own comic line in 2010.  The story presented to us in book 2, was not quite here the sequel to THE TEMPERING WAY you may have been waiting so long for.  Fans that caught some of the update posts have known that the story would go in a new direction for months now. This helped soften the blow, as we were told things would change, but no cast members were going to be given the axe. Those that didn't keep up are in for a bit of a shock. So what did happen to the old cast?  Where is this story going now?  Is this story a worthy 'sequel'?  How does it effect Byrons recent adventures along with Ghost Boy and Diablo? Here are my thoughts on the second installment of Space Cadet.


The story here starts with Byron having fever dreams about his adventures in Ordovica. We get a couple nice pages of back story.  We are reminded of the characters and plot introduced within the first book, before witnessing Byrons ultimate fate.  That is, it seems, the young man may have failed horribly.  I could be wrong, but this is something that gets reiterated by his guilty conscience bring up these visions with more and more furry as the story goes on. We see him captured and totured, calling out to his friends.  He snaps back awake.  Startled by such a terrible dream, he does what most people do after having drems of this kind: He blames the whole thing on watching too many fantasy TV shows and movies.   Too much Game of Porns, I'de wager.  Of course we the reader know the events are real and Byron is just not fully aware of that yet.  (He won't be for the remainder of the book.)  And so as Byron brushes that bad dream away, so do the writers.  We leave the world of Ordovica and begin a new adventure for Space Cadet.


Space Cadet is a Star Wars fan I see...Nice little Easter Egg! ;D

Byron is now living back at home with his parents, to help tend to his wounded mother. (A lady who looks like she could pass for being his sister.  And no I am not trying to get into her good graces, by saying that!) We are quickly introduced to his skinny, but way better hung brother Sheldon in yet another Class Comics scene which suggests a little incest may soon be coming our way.  I say better hung, but this could just have been an inconsistency in the drawing of his cock from panel to panel.  Sheldons cock looks longer and thinner then Byrons thick dick to me, especially as Sheldons cock is show flaccid besides Byrons full hard on. Hmmm a nerdy brother named called Sheldon, couldn't possibly be a nod to the Big Ban theory could it? :P  Hee hee!  Thankfully Sheldon is not anything like the famous TV character his name may be inspired by! (WHEW.)

 Brotherly Love?

Getting back to the story... Byrons fever dreams were pretty hot and heavy and he stuck with a major hard on.  This calls for an early morning jerk off, that is interrupted by his bother.  His brother Sheldon sees him going at it and decides to tackle him by jumping right on top of his big brother and his boner. Coming in full contact with his bros massive dick is pretty fucking hot. His own dick has a hard time NOT poking out of his long boxer shorts leg, he is so well hung.  In order to teach his brother a lesson about closing his door while doing such things, he even goes so far as to whack on Byrons cock with his palm a bit.  Cadet rips the shorts off his bother in the process of trying to get away from Sheldons onslaught. They are both stopped by their father, who scolds them.  (They have a six year old sister in the house.  She doesn't need to stumble across such things!)   It was great to see Byrons pops again, as we haven't seen him over half a decade.  He only had a short appearance in Strip Tease.  I wonder how hung he is? (Blushes.)

Byron then proceeds to have a shower and take care of his raging hormones.  Now, if you are thinking, this is where his brother and dad both join him in the shower, think again.  Nope, this is where we get a classic Cantero running gag inserted, which feels a bit like it was inspired by a certain Eddie Murphy movie about a certain professor. :P  It's really funny stuff.  The message in these first few pages seems clear to me.  The time has come to stop acting like the star of a never ending porn and more like a regular person there Byron.  You're living with loves ones now Mr. Cadet and you have forgotten about personal boundaries. You gotta lock your doors if you want to play with yourself!!! 

 Yes Space Cadet has gone from grand fantasy adventure to super hero sitcom.  And honestly I like it a  hell of a lot! There's lots of naughtiness and really hot secret sex that can happen in the home setting. Giving Byron obstacles to over come and characters that may tempt him beyond his regular sexual boundaries (ie incest) is all stuff that will grow his character.  Giving him a family enriches his world and his life.  Instead of a pin up, or just I guy out for an adventure, we get a chance at a better understanding of who he is, where he comes from and how he interacts with people who he doesn't actually just want to have sex with for once. It's a good thing. Let's face it, you know it's only a matter of time before fantasy, sci-fi and all that good stuff get's injected into the mix, so this setting won't dominate even if you are not a fan of it.  With Canteros fun and playful art style, I feel like I am reading a Disney Afternoon show in print form.  I'm all for more comical adventures featuring the Cadet family, even without Byron.

Having this home setting instead of a hall of heroes, or a secret layer, is far more relatable. (Dare I say more enjoyable?)  With a family in tow, you have potential for a much more diverse story then you could with just fuck buddies.  But let me not get too ahead of myself.  This is potential only for now.  Home was just the launching point.  As soon as breakfast is done, Byron is off to a new job and new adventures.  I really like that the story mentions the job he had in his introductory story.  Maybe the porn star he worked for as a bodyguard will return one day. For now it's off to the Horny Devil Underwear studios for a photo shoot.  This is interesting for a couple reasons.  #1, it has been stated the Cadet grew up with his family in NYC, but unless he is using his Jetpack to get to work, his family is clearly living in Gateway City. So for those of us that assumed we were in for some fun in the big apple, think again.  That's okay though. I like that all the Class Characters (even Zahn it seems) have ties to this city. It's like Classes Metropolis, or Duckburg. (Though, with far less fucking then there would be in a city consisting purely of ducks.



Anyway the second he gets there he's winds up super inspiring the best photographer in the company.  (I know that feeling with Cadet oh so well!)  This leads to some hot poses, but not actual sex with Diablo who is also working that day.  Looks like his job is pretty secure, even before what happens next.  During what happens after shoot, that the story once again references the plot of the first issue.  Byron starts to have visions of his past.  Friends start to take the shape of familiar faces and Byron is left with a lot of questions.  Questions we all have and are eagerly awaiting the answers to, as we have been for some time now.


 Those answers will have to wait as Byron upon leaving work, reunites with some old school friends. (Old in the case of 22 year old Cadet being people has hasn't seen in like 4 years.)   This is where things get exciting!  An old high school friend named Justin appears.  Justin looks like he has some anime inspiration behind his design. I couldn't help but think of Kingdom Hearts Sora when I first got a look at him!   Justin introduces Space Cadet to another hero named Golden Boy.  The two of them hit it off immensely immediately in one of the most passionate and powerful love making scenes to come out this year.  They hit off by not only being physically attracted by each other, but seduced by the mystery and allure of being with another person with a secret identity.  (Someone they can fully relate to.) It's already inspired animated fan art from Gene Lightfoot!  Their love making is cut short, when they are called to help a friend in need.  What follows is a wonderfully drawn battle by Cantero.  A huge battle along side Golden Boy with just as much power behind the panels as the love making segments.


Space Cadet and Golden Boy Boner bump, revealing they are interested in more then one mystery about each other then their super powers.

I love the fact that the boner bumping continues as they undress and talk more about their super hero status.  The two cocks are like dowsing rods, attracted more and more to each other with each piece of clothing that falls and piece of information that is passed between them!

Gene Lightfoots animated image that was inspired by the scene that followed.  (You will have to buy the book to see these hot pages yourself!!!) 



Some random thoughts:

-Either Byrons friend Justin has moved to Gateway City seeking his help, or the whole NYC upbringing has been dropped at this point. It was, as far as I can recall never mentioned in a comic anyway.  The only mention was in an online profile, so I can see this happening. I'm for making all the characters Canadian! LOL. Gateway is a Canadian city isn't it?  hmmmm more research needed. XD

-Okay, look Mr. Fillon and crew, I am getting freaking brotherly love blue balls from all the teasing of fathers and sons and now bothers, having these naughty situations and nothing happening!!!  With all the dick touching and bondage it's driving me crazy!!!  This is my first honest to goodness complaint about the book! LOL! It wouldn't be so bad if this wasn't the third time in less then a year that we have been presented a situation like this.  First was Peter and his father, then Cam and his father (which I will admit went pretty far.)  Now we have Sheldon and Byron naked wrestling! I'm gonna explode over here!!!
 Yes I know we have the twins in Mako Finn and the two Vargas Twin Books by Logan.  Those are both amazing examples.  The thing is, I think I speak for a lot of people when I say, we want to see some main cast members doing something Taboo!   It's just getting a little frustrating!  JUST A LITTLE! LOL! ^__^  We want to catch that carrot dangling in front of our heads.   I always hold out hope for something in the future, but the future has come and we are still left with these wonderful teases!!!  Leave them wanting more and then when it does come, the pay off is so much better...I wonder if this is the plan?  

Oh don't give us that face Cadet!  We all know you have been thinking about Sheldon while playing with yourself in the shower! Admit it!!! XD


One thing about Class Comics, much like Marvel and DC, stories are often thrown out around various time lines, so anything can happen.  Someone might be at deaths door in a cliff hanger, but be fully fine in the next short story we are given, which takes place months, or years prior. (See the new Locus book for an example of that.)   Sadly what we were lacking over the last 4  years was Strider and Vallan, who haven't appeared in one Strip Show, or spin off!   (Though some of their co-stars have.)  So that being the case, the lack of them in this book made it all the more daunting .  :(

My second complaint is a real one.  It has something to do with the art.  It's something that I have been wanting to address since I first started reading Canteros work for Class Comics. It is simply that, despite how well he draws men, how beautiful they are, how amazingly he does faces, hair, facial expressions, poses, muscles, legs and chests, one feature often gets thrown to the side.  That is the foreskin.  I'm not talking about the actual dicks here.  David does some fantastic circumcised penises.  Some of the best of the business.  I am only addressing his foreskins. 

I think it first really bothered me when I was reading the scene where Incubus fucks Byron in Ghost Boy and Diablo #2.  This is because we were not dealing with his original characters, but one that had been well established as uncut.  So I was looking at Incubus with different eyes then I would his own OCs.  When I look at Byron and Eric, I shouldn't be drawing the conclusion that both are circumcised.  Now I am not saying he hasn't drawn some great foreskins.  He has and you will see them in Ghost Boy and Diablo #3, this book and many other places as well.  My gripe is that all too often they are forgotten.  They are not consistently drawn from panel to panel.  It's usually most apparent once the penis becomes fully hard.  Once erect, they have a tenancy to vanish.  As a foreskin fan I have a problem with that.  I have been a huge fan of Davids since the first moment I saw his art in a tiny thumbnail many years ago.  The ambitiousness of his characters cut and uncut status has always bugged me though.  You may even argue that the lines below the head of cut characters could be interpreted as foreskin as well. As they slide off to the side, much in the shape of a pulled back foreskin. As he is now doing so much for Class I feel I should speak my mind about it a bit.  
Just looking at the cover of this book, can you tell that Godlen Boy is uncut?  I cannot. When I see how exceptionally well he does all other aspects, I can't help but think that applying that talent to just a couple lines here can't be hard for such a skilled hand to do. (As mentioned he certainly has the power to given what is on display in other works.)

 A gorgeously drawn, thick leathery foreskin adorns Emmo in this panel from Ghost Boy and Diablo #3.  It's panels like this frustrated me when I see him ignore foreskins entirely.

I hate to say it, but some times they can feel and look like an after thought.   Like the skin was forced, reluctantly placed over an already drawn phallus. I don't know if he does this due to the size of the panels, if he hates foreskins, or that he doesn't feel they are important.  Maybe it is done to save a little time.  I really hope that this will changed in future works, because the times he does put the effort in, the foreskins can look absolutely fantastic.

You know, with all the side stories it probably will be confusing for some fans to try to figure out when this sequel is supposed to take place.  My best guess is that this book happens sometime before the events of Diablo and Ghost Boy #1.  Probably in between Boytoon Adventures and the 7 Days story featuring Diablo. (As Diablo is still working for the underwear company and his boss hasn't been revealed to be a total shit head yet.)  Though I could be wrong.  Maybe after the deaths of all the models on staff (or was it that they were just beaten unconscious by School Girl?) in GB & Diabloe 1 he had a change of heart? 
Peter finding out that Brunos boss Lavollay had inside information about who was holding Bruno captive marked him as horribly suspicious to me.  I couldn't see Diablo going back to work for this guy.
Maybe after all that happened, he made the Horny Devil Underwear Company survived by changing his ways?  Diablo stayed on bored, when Lavollay he had that change of character and became a kinder more loving boss.  I can see it happening.  Going from someone in a position of power, controlling men with no conscious, to almost losing everything, can certainly change a man!    For those that don't know, he was the kind of bastard where black mailing Peter suck his dick to give Peter information he should be giving freely, (information that could save someones life) was something he enjoyed doing.  What a douche...A hot douche...BUT a douche, nonetheless.  
Anyway I guess it is safe to say that even my best guess could be wrong and this whole thing might happen even after the current GB and D story arch.

-I wonder if this will lead to an adventure of Space Cadet set in space?  Why am I seeing the family living with alien neighbors in my mind and laughing at all the crazy shit that could happen, cause of that setting? XD

Conclusions:

Look to say I was not disappointed when I found out that the adventures set in Space Cadet #1 were not going to be been fully dealt with would be an understatement.  Waiting for 4 years while a plot sat in limbo would be frustrating for any fan. Had we gotten a second comic that didn't addresses the plot of the last book at all, I would have been pissed.  Had Strider and Vallen simply been written off that would have been pretty heartbreaking. Patrick and Fraser were smart to address the issues they had over the years on their sites, so we had a feeling things might not go as planned in book two.  That helped soften the blow.  Even when the drastic change from fantasy to super hero story was announced, they were kind enough to let us know that they were never giving up on the past story for good.  This was great, because I hate to think that all the negative people had such an effect that Patrick would throw away his vision.  I don't want Class Comics future dictated by a bunch of angry fan boys.  >___<

One thing that really helped make those years of waiting feel a lot shorter was the fact that Space Cadet has been given small roles and cameos in monthly Strip Show comics and the Diablo and Ghost Boy Series.  It's not like we had a lack of him, thankfully!  His constant presence reminded us that he wasn't going anywhere, even if his main adventure had been put on hold.

Patrick had mentioned wanting to draw the book himself.  Years ago, he spoke of the centaur kingdom and of course that got me excited.  I don't give up hope that we will see more of Vallan and Strider.  You can tell that there will be more of them in future issues and that's a great thing.  With David at the drawing table, you know you won't be waiting long for book three.  That man pumps out art old school fast.   I swear he could be doing these things on a monthly basis based on the what Patrick has told me about his speed!

I wouldn't mind seeing our mythological men in a Strip Show. ;D  Comics are much more flexible medium then animation.  We never know what to expect. Things can change very quickly.  For now though, I have to say that any disappointment I felt when I first got the news, was overshadowed greatly by the wonderful adventure and characters in this second issue.

 In this gorgeously drawn Strip Show comic by Jacob Mott and Patrick, we see Zahn interacting with Samm from Space Cadet #1.  Here's hoping Vallan and Strider get a Strip Show of this caliber sometime in the future!  Maybe they too will meet up with Zahn and friends!

I admit it, just as I had with the Ghost Boy& Diablo series, I got lost in the pages of Canteros wonderful art.  His snappy character designs (whether main, or background) are always such a great treat.  There is a lot of fun humor to the book, including some running gags that seem to carry from comic, to comic.  He does some wild fight scenes and even wilder sex scenes.  All the new cast members are fantastic. The digital copy has a large collection of his sketches, including a few showing the slight evolution of Byrons Family.  (You will notice some name changes among other things.) 


Golden Boy is a beautiful new hero with a lot of potential.  We don't know too much about him at the moment.  I am still waiting for 'Golden Boy' to live up to his name, if you know what I mean!  LOL!  David Cantero has helped create a funny, sexy, vibrant world for Byron to have fun in.  Byron looks super hot drawn by him, in case you were wondering.  To say he does justice to the character is an understatement.  He has a real talent and drawing various characters of different nationalities and here (as if he hasn't in the past) he shows his marvelous ability at drawing beautiful black men. From big beefy Byron, to his swimmers build brother, every panel featuring these guys is drool worthy.  If you want to see even more of his gorgeous Nubian nudes, you really owe it to yourself to start reading the Ghost Boy and Diablo series.

The few images we do get that feature Vallan and Strider are magnificent. There's a bit of an anime influence in the way he draws Vallan, much like Justin does.  He draws him super cute and a bit younger then he looks in previous comics.  I love it!  I really think fans will enjoy this comic immensely.

http://www.classcomics.com/cart/product.php?productid=329&cat=43&page=1/?a_aid=4a40308be2d35.html

So what is my final score?  I would say that Space Cadet #2 continues the fine (albeit new) tradition on amazing comics written by Patrick Fillion and drawn masterfully by David Cantero.  Beside some of the above gripes I totally loved it several times now, if you catch my drift!!!
8/10.  

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Magnus Nude By Yelmo and A Look at The Warrior And The Weapons of Kid Icarus Uprising


So here is the mighty Magnus from Kid Icarus Uprising, nude and rude! He was placed in the game to make sure not all the fan art is twinky stuff. :P I have been sitting on this picture for way too long. Lazy me, not posting him. Yelmo did an amazing job and I am a little protective of this picture, cause it's so spot on. ;D I love getting Yelmo to draw long haired rough types. He casts such a special something on them. They always look ready to go, like they were just cleaned, but not shaved quite right. :P Uncut cock Magnus is amazing. Thanks Yelmo. :)

I have to say that it was seeing it again last night that inspired me to write the following post. This is my second in depth look into Kid Icarus Uprising. As I said, my review is too long to post all at once. So here is a little more of my thoughts on the game. Now, just to let you know, I did enjoy this game for the most part, but that doesn't mean there wasn't a ton to bitch about.

Sometimes I think Nintendo aimed a little too high with this title. While Magnus is cool character, one has to question if he at one point during the titles long production period, had a greater purpose and if that was totally abandoned, then later attempted to be integrated back into the game again. Really what is Magnus purpose in Kid Icarus Uprising? He appears in level two, so we assume he's going to be a big part of the story. This never happens though. His back story is never explained properly at all. We never find out his true relationship with Lord Gaol and I think there's mention that he lost a child to the war, or something. That never gets mentioned again. Everything is let so ambiguous about him. Why? What got left on the cutting room floor?

He finally appears as a brief playable character after the games story has long run out of steam. At this point the game is being as random as it possibly can with the story line. Forcing you into Magnus's body for game play scenarios that have more then a blatant homoerotic undertone to them. Then, once Magnus is done saving Pit, he's left on Earth in the middle of a war torn city to fend for himself. There's no reward for him, no praise, nothing save for a brief thank you. Pit Icarus pops back to life and leaves Magnus as he scurries off to find his Goddess. Shouldn't he instruct Magnus to inform the people of what's going on in the heavens? At this point, for three years the Goddess of Light has been killing mankind for sport. Someone needed to do some PR, but his never happens in the game. One has to wonder why the people cheer her and Pits during the credits, as Pit played the role of head slaughterer.
Maybe he does this, or maybe the Goddess explains things to the people of Earth, but it goes unsaid. In a game the prides itself on it's story telling, it sure has left some big gaping holes in it's plot.

Later he appears for a repeat boss battle, but is no where to be found during the ending, which felt like a glaring omission, but then the ending didn't seem to care about any of the side characters except Yaoi... I mean, dark Pit and the little raging bitch they called Viridi. During the course of the title every other character bitches and cries on screen for hours except Magnus, the strongest of the bunch. He only gets only a fraction of the others screen time. Maybe it's best that way. The other characters yak and yak way past the point of having anything interesting, or relevant to say and just insult you as Pit as much as possible. Maybe that's why I liked him the best.

Still, what a rip for both Magnus and the player. I think a lot of people thought that this Devil May Cry/God of War inspired character was going to be unlockable, or playable more often, but that never came to be. You can't even use him in multiplayer. I guess they created him just cause really need more characters for Smash Bros. We only get to play with his big sword during one mediocre level, placed so far into the game one has to wonder if he was forgotten by the dev team and then quickly inserted in. Another surprise from Nintendo! YAY! It felt like a very half assed placement, made only to extend the amount of levels needlessly longer. Still it wasn't all bad. At least you could play with him. Honestly Magnus was an awesome character and one that deserved exploring. It's such a shame that the developers didn't think so and left so much unsaid about him. The same could be said about Medusa too, but that's a post for another day.

When I think of Magnus I think of weapons. When I think of weapons in Kid Icarus I think of the fucking MESS it was. Kid Icarus Uprising has some very fundamental flaws, but the biggest revolves around it's weapons. Here's a quick look at them.

Oh fuck me, I know the group that made the game is called TEAM SORA and Kid Pit Icarus now looks like the illegitimate half brother of the Kingdom Hearts hero, but could that Royal Blade be a more blatant rip off of a Key Blade? There's a fine line between homage and rip off Nintendo. I think you might have crossed it here. Notice that blades are the main focus. You even start the game with a blade, not a bow and arrow! Nintendo desperately wants to siphon some cool from Square Ennix.


I was disappointed staffs had no magical properties. As for claws, I never used them. In a shooting game, I don't understand the thought behind just taking a melee weapon with you. Maybe they shoot. I wasn't risking hearts, or the time to find out.


Orbs I am guessing are probably inspired by the gems that used to circle Pit back in the day. I'm probably giving the game makers too much credit. I doubt my theory, cause if they were, they wouldn't be a primary weapon.

Look at all the clubs! Boom, bam, zam! We are so creative with the club designs...all sorts of nonsense is present. It's a design time team running wild.
What is with that cannon right out of a Dreamcast game? This isn't Phantasy Star Nintendo. The equally B grade sci fi/horror Frankenstein thing is just as misplaced.

Look how underplayed bows are. It's just sad. Shouldn't the bow page be even bigger then the blade page? How about we make a Zelda game where Link runs around with whip and swords are underplayed. Yeah....let's see if the fur flies after they reach that decision. Just because we are older, it doesn't mean we old school fans vanished Nintendo.

First off this is a Kid Icarus game. Since when is Kid Icarus a third person shooter? It's set in a mythological world with Greek Gods and monsters...so why the hell are there so many guns and canons? Really? Pit is supposed to have a bow and arrow. He's not supposed to have a 19th century pistol, or shot gun. I was happy to find that others felt the same way:

I can sum up my feelings for Uprising very simply:
How would you feel if they made a Metal Gear Solid game after 20 years and it played just like Tetris, or Super Mario World? Bet you wouldn't be too happy either. I don't consider this game a sequel to my beloved old titles. Sorry Nintendo, game over. After 20 years, there's no more continues left.

Getting back to the weapons....Variety is the spice of life, but the weapons theme is all over the place in this game. We have stuff ranging from ancient times, to modern, to the far future. Okay I am being a bit harsh on the weapons, but some sort of synergy would be nice to see. A lot of weapons in the same group don't resemble each other at all. The first Blade looks like a gun, not a sword. Some of it is great, but some just seems way to strange. Take for example the club that looks like an apartment building. What the heck? I thought the Babylon Club was pretty neat at first. Then I found out Clubs are fairly useless.

The sheer amount of weapons is just a bit overwhelming as well. I sat and stressed over what weapons to use and upgrade for hours and hours till my 3DS battery was dead, more then once. (Not that that is a difficult accomplishment, given the batteries life.) I stress over this shit, cause I come from the day were a wrong move in doing this can totally fuck your game up. Didn't someone at Nintendo ever hear that less is better? I get that they wanted to provide variety, but some of the best games of all time had only one, or two weapons. Do we really need dozens of varieties of the same weapon, leading to what feels like hundreds in total???? There's only 20 + levels for crying out loud. Have video game players become this blind with greed?

My second and bigger complaint was with the weapons system set up in the shop. I always felt like the shop was constantly teasing me, displaying weapons that were really good, but always just out of my price range. My first play though, I just used the default difficulty the game set and didn't really have anything equipped to give me extra hearts. So I never really earned that much. This is another flaw of the game. Heart earnings are really sparse in comparison to the prices in the shop, even if you play a higher difficulty and obtain and have the right items equipped. I got the feeling that scanning cards was mandatory if you really wanted to afford something decent, early on. Even after I scanned enough cards to start the game with $24,000, there was always something placed right out of that range. Maybe they were trying to emulate the feel of how expensive things were in the original Kid Icarus, but if you actually played that game, you would realize that these prices only seem out of range at first. Play into it a bit and very soon you have more money then you know what to do with. (This NEVER happens in Uprising.) Someone at team Sora, wasn't very good at Kid Icarus if that was the case. (Which I don't doubt, when I read that Zeldas current director sucks at the original Zelda games. Seems like any dough head can work there.)

Now in any other game that might not be a problem. You just go out and get some more money, come back and buy your weapon. Not in Uprising. No, no, that would be too simple. Nintendo needs to constantly surprise you now. The items in the weapons shop are completely random each time you enter it. So you can't even set goals for yourself, cause what was there last time, won't be there the next. Items feel like they NEVER come back, EVER. Sale items are a bitch as well. They never say how much they were prior to the sale, so I have no idea if I am getting a deal, or not. I guess I should be looking at the value, but the numbers are ambiguous, as various weapons are all assigned a worth value that does not state the exact effectiveness in battle. To do this, you have to go into an arena screen and try the weapon out yourself and either mentally, or physically write down it's effects. Things take off more damage up close, then further away, do varying amounts of damage when you dash backwards, or forwards, etc. Theirs a list a mile long to go over while in the testing arena. I have chosen cars easier. UGH! You can note the stars beside each weapon for range and Melee, but is each star rating based on it's effectiveness compared to other weapons, or others of it's kind? They don't tell you that. You see, each weapon say like the Royal Blade, comes in dozens of variations and powers. Weapons are given stats that effect you in battle, such as life extensions and raising your effectiveness in certain situations. Sadly, because you have no stat bar to show what your current stat numbers are, you have no real way of telling how effective any of this is, even when you are out in battle, besides of course stats that have a physical attribute such as freezing, or burning enemies.

If you don't want to buy shit you can merge stuff. Now, here's another fun time sink. When I hear merge, I think of two things. Number one, that I need special weapons to make the best ones and number two that I will at one point have to look online, or buy a guide to figure how to do this. Well as it turns out, everything is actually fairly random, made to surprise and entertain you, by giving you a somewhat new experience each time you play. You can merge weapons and try to keep the stats you like, combining old into new weapons, but some of those combinations you are not going to like, or want. This is especially true if your current one becomes something that alters the game play too much. (I.E a bow becoming a club, a shooting weapon changing to one you can only swing at people in front of you. Clubs can fire, but only if you charge to shoot them. Making them very slow for range battle, with being able to shoot out one shot per charge.) It feels like if you really want to make something good, you have to play the game three steps ahead.

1.Make sure you have the difficulty on right level to get the gear you want.
2. Make sure you look up where the hidden items are.
3. Make sure you have the right equipment that can pass over the right stats to the new weapon when merging.


In fact that list is too short, but you get the picture.

Do you know what all this does? It slows the game down. What should be a fast paced action game gets mired down by hours of fiddling with shit in a shop, something that should really be a two second purchase decision. It's worse then clothes shopping with your mom. OY!

Even after you save up, or fuse the best weapons, their effects and usefulness really don't matter much. Most of the weapons feel very samey. Most of the bosses are not that strong as well. If you do die, the game will automatically reduce the difficulty and allow you to change weapons. This is the only time it will allow you to change weapons in game, so you can't even test one weapons usefulness over another on the same stage without restarting the game. (If you leave a stage before beating it you will also lose a chunk of your hearts, but lets not go there.) The game is essentially broken. You die, you play the stage with the same weapon, but now, it's not so bad, it's easier, so the weapon works better. What has the average player learned? Nothing, cause they haven't achieve what they wanted to. Did they die due to the weapons failure, or was it their ability to use the current weapon? They will never know. You just move forward after beating the level. How about if you die due to falling, or get a one hit kill from a monster before you feel confident in the new weapon? You won't know for sure, cause the difficulty gets reduced. The game just gives you a toffee and pats you on your bum if you fall down. Quite the opposite of the real Icarus crashing and burning when he decided to use something for the wrong situation. (I.E. Flying too close to the sun with wax wings.) I guess Nintendo would have given THAT Kid Icarus a parachute.

I swear the game makers were terrified of being labeled as having hard difficulty like in the first game. That's one reason why it burned my ass so much when the creator said they made sure they respected the original game. If they did respect the original game, they would provide it with balanced game play and a proper leveling up system for both Pit and his weapons. Look it's weapon damage, not advanced physics. Make sure weapon damage is clear, that's all, don't hide it under meaningless numbers and fucking useless Mario Stars. Nintendo just doesn't want to admit that simple fun game play with simple to understand, clearly labelled stats draws people in, while complicated shit you see people agonizing over making charts and starting wars about online just drives people further away. I think adding a merging option is just a bad idea to begin with, if you want to sell your game to a larger general audience. Considering how simple the actual game play is, I am surprised at how needlessly cumbersome the weapons system is. Complicated options like this are poison to most players (Casual, or not) out there. Most people worry about just being able to play and beat a title, you add in all this other shit and you might as well put a do not touch sign on the game.

Kid Icarus weapons are a complicated mess. I really blame the people at Sora who came from the Smash brothers camp for this. They constantly add too much content to games that are not large enough to find significant uses for them all. It's like filling your bath tub with so much water it runs all over the floor. Sure it's wetter, but it's not better. >__< I've seen RPGS with way less items then this game and RPGS go on for 60 hours. Kid Icarus is at it's best probably about 14 hours and once you beat it, it's going to take you even less time to get through it again. Unless you count the 20 hours you spend in the shop aggravating about what to fuse and what to purchase. I think it would have been better to just focus on a few weapons types and really make their attributes stand out. Making each purchase special and exciting, instead of just something to discard as quickly as possible to get the next best upgrade.

Mom, this Kid Icarus is going to the toy store while you make up your mind about your accessories okay?

Oh well, at least the art is beautiful, they spared no expense. Remember another disasters amusement that used the same expression?

I'm sorry, thought I turned on Kid Icarus, not Space Harrier.

Wolverine-acus?

No. Just, No.

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